Each of us is constantly communicating during our wakeful hours whether we realize it or not; even our silence can be a form of communication, regardless of whether we've deliberately chosen to be incommunicado or it is being forced upon us. Most of us are also aware that our subconscious expresses itself in a myriad of ways, and as I write and teach regularly, even when we appear to be fully awake in terms of the upright position of our body and our eyes open and blinking we can be completely unconscious in terms of the impact we have upon others via our thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors.

Are you happy with the effect your present communication skills have in all aspects of your personal and professional life?

In both my personal and professional experiences throughout my adult life, I have observed time and again that at the very heart of all human conflict lies a problem with interpersonal communication. Without fail, each time I am asked to advise, train or coach people in how to both avoid and mend conflicts, mindful communication education is at the top of the list of absolute necessities in order to find the way to resolution and respectful co-existence.

Self-Review: Please click here to download my Mindful Communication Self-Inquiry Questionnaire

Communicating humanity in all of our interactions with others regardless of any challenging dynamics that may exist between parties is an art - one that is energetically akin to dance or poetry that is imbued with grace and attention to the slightest detail. Those who consciously choose to practice this art do so with radical self-honesty and compassion for their own human-ness as well as that of others, knowing that none of us is perfect. At the same time, vigilant yet non-obsessive practice results in an ever-increasing refinement of our expression. Hopefully this occurs along with increased empathy for the challenges everyone faces in a world populated with human beings who will misinterpret our communications due to their own filters of emotion, prejudice, projections, gender, status, religious and political beliefs, fears and past wounds.

With every client I work with one-on-one, or in any group classes I teach about Mindful Communication it is always done "from the inside out." If your internal communication is not radically honest, healthy, mindful, balanced and chock full of authenticity and integrity, then your outside communication will suffer in kind.

Many of key elements I incorporate in all aspects of Mindful Communication coaching and training are blended from the following sources:

- The mindful practice of Tonglen. Tonglen is a Buddhist term that means putting yourself in another's shoes to cultivate empathy, compassion and humanity. It is akin to The Golden Rule.

 

- Teachings inspired by Pema Chodron's work Don't Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions.

 

- Non-Violent Communication (NVC) and the work of Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent Communication is the embodiment of wise and mindful speech and all non-verbal communication.

 

- Teachings inspired by Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by the team from the Harvard Negotiation Project.

 

- Teachings inspired by Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct by Dr. P.M. Forni, founder of The Civility Initiative at Johns Hopkins University. Dr. Forni's book - and work - cuts right to the bottom line.

It is an exercise in futility to attempt to make everyone understand us exactly the way we intend to be heard, but it is definitely possible to become as mindful as possible regarding the many ways we communicate with others so that misinterpretations can be drastically reduced. In tandem, it is imperative to also learn how to interpret the messages being sent to us as accurately as possible, and to understand what and how other people are communicating to us. Mindful Communication coaching and training is profoundly valuable to help actualize that conscious intention, because we begin to learn that not everyone communicates or relates to others the same way we do - and how to adjust. This is profoundly helpful in our relationships with everyone, whether it be with our significant other, our family members, our friends, and our co-workers.

Three simple "nevers" : Never take anyone or anything for granted, never take out your anger or frustration on those close to you, and never go to sleep with upset feelings between you and a loved one.

One thing must be made absolutely clear: mindful communication is not necessarily all "warm and fuzzy." At times it is absolutely essential to bring in "tough love" when a person is acting in ways that are detrimental to self and others. One of the kindest things we can do for a fellow human being is to not enable their dark side(s), nor pretend they don't exist, or choose to not get involved if we aren't being personally affected. However, shining a light into that darkness can be done in a manner that will allow them to see the choices they are making/have made are harmful, even if it entails some kicking and screaming on their part before they give up the fight and choose to become accountable and responsible for the type of energy they are putting out. Only then is when a lasting shift can occur within them on a deeper level.

Please click here to learn more about Mind-Body Coaching and Training with Suzanne.

Mindful Conflict Management | Mindful Anger Management | Mindful Self-Communication

"Two Wolves"	One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people.   He said, 'My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.   The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."   The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?'"   The old Cherokee simply replied, '"The one you feed."

If we cannot honestly and humbly acknowledge and laugh at our own human-ness and let go of any "me me me" dominating behaviors, it is very difficult to place ourselves in another person's shoes and to communicate humanity in our thoughts, choices, behaviors and activities. Without embracing authentic humanitarianism as a deliberate practice we happily work to improve upon in every moment, regardless of the scenario, we will forever look at the world in a way that continuously fosters discord and separation.

Mindfulness teaches us how to respond instead of react to stressful people and situations that once triggered us into auto-pilot, rapidly escalating conflict mode. By learning how to stand in the present moment with equanimity we can pause, pay attention and maintain our center. When a volatile reaction begins to arise from within us we can simply greet it assertively with: "No. I choose to not go down that path." In the very act of recognition of a potentially destructive reaction, we are given a chance to be liberated from it, wherein we have a brief moment of choice as to whether we will to react or not. The habit to react may be deeply ingrained, but through committed mindfulness practice, we can open up new mental and emotional pathways of response in which there is choice and freedom, such that it becomes longer in duration and the first interpersonal communication tool we reach for.

Mindful Conflict Management skills empowers people to go below the surface and beyond the outward manifestations of any particular conflict in order to gain valuable insights. By bringing the practice of mindfulness onto the table when mediating challenges between opposing parties, interpersonal conflict and communication issues can be framed as transformative opportunities, which can be resolved in a way that acknowledges, educates and energizes all parties - as well as creating new neural pathways that will help them effectively approach all matters of conflict that come up in the future, regardless of the situation.

Mindful Conflict Management includes educating clients and students about the value of the following core principles:

Mutual respect, kindness, patience, civility, radical self-honesty, non-violent communication, healthy self-esteem, non-enablement, appropriate self-control, wise boundaries, positive coping skills, mindfulness meditation practices, humor, emotional and social intelligence, fearless inner strength, and last but not least, empathy and compassion. I also incorporate many of the foundational principles I've studied through the of Institute for the Study of Conflict Transformation and Marshall Rosenberg's Non-Violent Communication (NVC).

To Learn More About Conflict:

Please click here to download my document "The Costs of Conflict."

Please click here to read about "Conflict Wild Cards."

Anger is a natural part of being human, and its healthy, calm yet assertive expression is vital to our well-being. Its suppression can result in a slew of physical ailments, including ulcers, heart attacks, headaches, insomnia, overeating and colitis. However, the flip side – reacting with intense anger and lashing out uncontrollably toward others – can prompt the same illnesses in the giver and their recipients, as well as creating sometimes irreversible damage to relationships.

In response to the stress that precedes an angry outburst, the hormones adrenaline and cortisol are rapidly dumped into the body, and ignite the sympathetic nervous system, our primal survival mechanism of "flight or fight." Escalating stress and its gestation into anger and rage effectively fuel one another. When these combustible energies blaze out of control, the excess adrenaline and cortisol set off a firestorm of destructive cellular reactions that result in the brain being unable to cope, and the person goes into total meltdown mode - and the abusive, volatile behaviors that accompany it. Drugs and/or alcohol intensify the destructive impact.

Anger is often the expression of frustration over unfulfilled needs and disrespect.
Learning how to communicate one's needs in his or her personal and professional life is key to not
allowing anger to devolve into abuse and violence against self and others.
Training the mind, body and brain to letting go of auto-pilot reactive
anger means regaining your authentic power.

Finding the healthy balance of how to manage anger mindfully is an empowering process. Being able to slow down our auto-pilot, knee-jerk reactivity while increasing our mindful, moment-to-moment awareness of the harmful effect of losing our self-control over agitated emotional states takes commitment, deliberate practice, and self-compassion. Mindfulness meditation and self-hypnosis can help you spot your anger-triggering episodes as they begin – and with practice, even before they begin - while you are still in control of your brain.

Are your internal dialogues healthy, kind and productive - or are you constantly berating and beating yourself up with self-critical, energy-depleting mental sabotage?

Are you committing verbal violence against yourself?

How we talk to ourselves - what we think, how self-honest we are, whether our self-talk is productive and empowering, or self-defeating and destructive - shapes our lives in ways we sometimes do nor realize.

Learn how to gain control and stop the harmful self-programming and spin cycle of negative self-talk and instead become mindful and proactive in terms of your thoughts, and how they will in turn influence your choices, actions and behaviors.

Please click here to learn more about Mind-Body Coaching and Training with Suzanne.

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